


Discussions and Discoveries

by InterNutter



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-31
Updated: 2017-10-31
Packaged: 2019-01-27 05:36:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,455
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12574856
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/InterNutter/pseuds/InterNutter
Summary: Taako has a very strange relationship with the Umbrastaff. It only makes sense after the fact.





	Discussions and Discoveries

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: The Adventure Zone: Balance Arc belongs to the McElroys. I just have fun with a few things.
> 
> AN: Love and hugs to Blizardstar for the idea that Taako can’t sleep properly without the Umbrastaff/his sister nearby. You’re a genius.

There was something odd about the Umbrastaff. And it wasn’t merely the fact that it looked  _ exactly _ like the drawing in Leon’s big book of magical items and artifacts. It was things that the book didn’t mention. Like… the apparent autonomy.

Unfortunately, he was playing Idiot Wizard on everyone around him. He could not ask intelligent questions as an idiot wizard. That would be breaking character. Breaking character would mean that the people here would stop underestimating him and  _ expect more from him _ .

Couldn’t have  _ that _ .

So he was now aimlessly wandering the Bureau’s campus with a practiced air of gormless curiosity. Seeking a path less travelled. A corner overlooked. Some place where few people  went. He needed somewhere private to examine the Umbrastaff, and maybe ask it some questions.

He was almost certain that it was a little bit alive.

Taako suspected it way back in Wave Echo Cave. Not only did he have to fight it with his mind, and the Dwarf certainly proved an excellent test of  _ that _ … but he also felt something whenever he grasped its handle.

Maybe it was an over-abundance of  _ deja vu _ . The lunks he was teamed with felt familiar. The layout of the Bureau's campus felt familiar. And he couldn’t escape the feeling that he should already  _ know _ about this ridiculous, clown-like umbrella.

He already knew that, if it was free-standing, it would remain so and come to his hand. And it had a habit of looping itself over his left arm.

And thanks to the previous night, he knew it left the coat hooks and dangled innocently off his bunk ladder before the next dawn.

Which was why he was wandering all over a place full of fucking  _ domes _ and looking for a rooftop or something. Hell, even a neglected supplies closet would do. But there was no such abandoned space.

Which left him playing with the Umbrastaff in the grassy quad. Doing idiot wizard stuff like balancing a weapon of mass destruction on the tip of a finger. Flipping it to that it could balance the other way up. Seeing how easily it would come to his hand if he allowed it to fall.

It eventually conked him on the noggin. On purpose, he swore.

He sat on the grass and contemplated it. The handle was straight when it suited him or it, such as the many times he used it as a cane. Hooked when it suited… it, mostly. When he wanted it to hang up, the handle was hooked. Just like when he swung it around at that last ogre. Or when it dangled from his arm.

He looked it in the frills, spinning it against the ground. Handle under his finger. Tip to the soil. “Can you understand me? Hit me for yes.” And then he let go.

It spun to a slow halt, remaining upright for a little too long before it toppled and bumped his shoulder.

“If you could talk, you’d have done so,” he reasoned, giving it another spin. “Is there something you need?”

Once again, it stayed upright too long before it tipped and hit him in the chest.

This time, he balanced it horizontally  on his fingers. “Point the way. I’ll see what I can do.”

The Umbrastaff wobbled. And slowly began to turn. And point its tip at him. Taako even moved around a little to be sure. And then it clattered to the soil. Apparently spent.

“Okay,” he said, and scooped it up. “That was probably a workout for you. I get it. I’m not strong on the action points, either.” And for reasons he couldn’t explain for two years, it felt completely right to cradle it against his body and pet the ruffles. “We’ll work something out. You and me.”

And for a moment, just a moment, the handle curled around and squeezed his excuse for a bicep. And Taako allowed himself a smile.

“You are getting  _ weird _ with that thing,” said Magnus. “You sure it’s not doing things to your mind?”

Taako stood up. “What mind?” The Umbrastaff had fallen naturally onto his left arm. “The nice people in Research said they… they didn’t find any evil in it. They can’t tell if it’s alive or charmed or anything. Just… big magic. And it likes me.”

Magnus eyed the Umbrastaff skeptically. “Oh… kay.” He cleared his throat. “They’re about to start lunch at the cafeteria. You want I should order for you, or would you like to take another crack at the menu?”

Heh. That had been hilarious. “I still don’t understand why they won’t serve Broderie En Glaze…”

“I think that’s a kind of upholstery, buddy. Come on. Before everyone else gets the good stuff.”

*

Taako actually woke up to the  _ click _ in the night time. Reached with some difficulty out of his Sleeping Sack. Magnus had given it to him as a  _ housewarming gift _ . But more so that Taako wouldn’t hurt himself by flailing his way off the tiny bunk. That big meat shield was so  _ likeable _ . It was almost hateful.

Taako reached out and found the Umbrastaff’s hook on the second to top rung.

It was  _ really _ too much bother to take it back. Taako sighed and brought it all the way up to his level. Tucking it in beside him. “Don’t you go feeling me up in the night. This is strictly a spoons thing,” he whispered.

The Umbrastaff  _ snuggled _ up against him.

Taako kept one hand out so he could hang on to the handle. Felt a sense of companionship that had plain  _ not existed _ since the terrible night that he had lost everything at age twelve. And for the first time since that awful age, he fell into the measured breathing of meditation.

*

Merle was the first one to see it. Padding around their tiny quarters and still attempting to get used to the long johns that Magnus had insisted he wear. He much preferred to sleep  _ au naturale _ . But even the Director had stepped in and informed him that nightwear was mandatory. So he wore the long johns and grumbled about it.

And during his scratching and grumbling, he saw it.

Elves, when they meditate, levitate a foot above the nearest surface. In this case, Taako’s bunk was not that far away from the ceiling, and the elfin wizard clung to the plain white plaster. Seemingly unaware. One hand hung out of the Sleeping Sack and gripped fast to the handle of the Umbrastaff. Which seemed to be levitating with him.

Merle almost choked on his laughter.

Of course he poked Magnus into awareness. Pantomimed that he should keep quiet and look at the bunk above.

“What’s he saying this time?” Magnus whispered. He turned around and saw it too. Clapped both hands over his mouth and failed at not laughing.

The combination of giggles and ssh’es woke Pringles from his potion-induced torpor. And  _ he _ didn’t bother keeping it down.

“Whoa! That’s what I call getting  _ high _ … What’d he have? Can I get some?”

Taako woke with a shriek. Fell onto his bunk and bounced off and into Magnus’ arms. “What’s so gods-damned funny?”

Magnus was grinning like a fool. “It’s not  _ that _ hilarious. I think it’s adorable that you trust us enough to meditate, now.”

Taako squirmed out of the grip. “I do  _ not _ . I was  _ not _ . It- it- it’s the Umbrastaff. It’s… comforting.” He struggled against the confines of the Sleeping Sack. “You three jackoffs set me up with something, didn’t you?”

“Nuh-uh,” said Magnus. “Wouldn’t dream of it.”

“Only just now thought of it,” said Merle.

“I’unno, man. Probably. Was I high?” said Pringles.

A combination of squirming and the Umbrastaff got him unzipped, revealing the footie pyjamas underneath. “I  _ will _ find out who did it and they  _ will _ suffer. Terribly. And for a start… I’m bogarting the bathroom. Toodles.” Taako was off like a shot before anyone could stop him.

“Is he like, shorter before he gets his clothes on?” asked Pringles.

“Did he just take the  _ Umbrastaff _ in there with him?” wondered Merle.

Magnus held up a hand. “Who else is up for an intervention if he gets any weirder with that thing?”

*

“This is it,” said Taako. He was cradling the Umbrastaff in his arms and petting the ruffles. It soothed him as much as he felt the action soothed it. “Casa de Taako. And… I suppose…  _ you _ . Do you even have a name? I know. I know. We tried the ouija thing and that was  _ not _ a resounding success. But this is ours. Privacy. Our own bathroom. Well.  _ My _ own bathroom. And a bed so huge I can’t possibly fall out of it.” He hung his hat and cloak up before he leaped onto the soft, wide surface. “Aaaah, luxury.” He kicked his boots off. “I just wanna stay here and sleep the day away…”

The Umbrastaff sort of rolled closer to his body as if to say,  _ Me too _ .

“Sorry, bud, but I am not going to sleep in hot pants. Gimmie a few.” He chuckled over the fact that he had closet space, and instantly vowed to fill it with some stunning fashions ASAP. He stripped right down and slipped on his pyjama shorts. Silk, of course. Only the very best for Taako.

And as soon as he got a lock for his door, he could actually meditate  _ voluntarily _ instead of realising it was happening anyway.

“Just sleep, today,” he murmured to the Umbrastaff. “We don’t have locks.”

Five minutes after he started snoring, Magnus and Merle snuck in to see him curled around it. Huddled up with the Umbrastaff in the middle like some kind of possessive, elfin octopus. Wound tight and snoring despite everything.

And sucking his thumb.

Merle exchanged looks with Magus. “At least it isn’t a sex thing,” he whispered.

Magnus whispered, “You should talk, Mr ‘I love your tendrils’.” And then he shrugged. “You know what? If he gets a good rest, it’s all the better for Tres Horny Boys. Let it slide. He wants to wrap himself around a weapon of mass destruction, it’s none of our business.”

*

Angus had only meant to find Taako. He was, after all, late for their early-early session of cooking and trauma therapy. Any moment, and the cafeteria staff would actually catch them making things, and it would be KP for the rest of time.

Because everyone would want their cooking, panic attacks or no panic attacks.

He’d asked Mr Burnsides and Elder Highchurch about the missing Elf, and only got told that he must have had a rough night and needed a few extra Z’s. Which was odd, because Elves meditated. Except Taako, who seemed to get most of his rest points by getting blackout drunk or literally curling up with his Umbrastaff.

Taako’s door was locked, but that was no problem for a young detective with a set of lockpicks. He could even do it so silently that even an Elf couldn’t hear him sneak in.

Taako was in the middle of the bed. And in the middle of the air. Still in his footie pyjamas and pigtails. But cross-legged and… hovering.

The Umbrastaff was in Taako’s lap. One hand lax on the handle and the other draped over his folded legs.

Angus was astonished and agape. He’d never seen Taako at peace before. Gone was the near perpetual sneer. Gone was the expression of absent-minded worry, as if he had forgotten something, but couldn’t remember what it was. Gone was the almost perpetual aura of pain and fear.

He was even more beautiful than ever, like this.

Entranced, Angus crept closer. Wanting to soak in every possible detail of that etherial wonder.

And then the Umbrastaff… moved.

It wasn’t Taako doing it. Taako was deep into meditation. He wasn’t seeing or hearing anything. A bomb could go off and he wouldn’t know it.

The Umbrastaff took Taako’s hand with its handle. Curled around those lax fingers as it raised and pointed towards Angus. And it began to glow.

Angus backed away. Stumbled over a little table and some scribbled paperwork and wound up cornered between a potted aspidistra and a chaise lounge. On the good side, the Umbrastaff relaxed and went back to its former position. On the bad side, Angus was certain that the Umbrastaff would hate it if he tried to sneak back out again.

*

Taako stretched as he settled back down from meditation. Gods, he had  _ needed _ that. And then he saw… “Ango McDango… I thought I locked that door…”

“You did, sir. I unlocked it to try and find you. You were late for cooking lessons.”

Taako checked the clock. “Well, shit… My bad, Ange. I haven’t meditated properly in… Gods.  _ Years. _ No wonder I overdid it.” A few yoga stretches. “Why are you hunkered over there, though?”

“The Umbrastaff threatened me, sir. I don’t think it wanted me to get too close.”

Taako pretzelled and unpretzelled himself. “Really?”

“It moved without your input and warmed up and everything, sir. I wasn’t going to hurt you, it’s just…”

Taako grunted as an obstinate bone popped into place. “Hmm?”

“You’re amazingly beautiful when you meditate, sir. Even more than normal.”

Taako grinned. “Flattery will get you extra chocolate chip flapjacks. I might even make some for the idiots.” He returned to a more normal posture and picked up the Umbrastaff. Scowled at it. “As for  _ you _ , no threatening Ango. Not any more. He’s a little kid. Besides, he’s way too honest to pull anything nasty on me. Chill.”

Angus scrunched his face up, but at least he was emerging from his corner. “Do you talk to it a lot, sir?”

Taako sort of shrugged. “Only when it seems appropriate.”

*

The twins sat back to back. One was floating and meditating. The other was aware and watching out for the other.

Angus asked Barry at a whisper, “What are they doing, sir?”

“Catching up,” whispered Barry. “Neither of them have had a chance for a proper rest. So they’re doing it how they’ve always done it. Looking out for each other. One hour at a time.”

Over at the shared kitchen, Magnus was teaching Kravitz how to make the twins’ favourite post-meditation pick-em-ups. It was weird to think that most of the people in this room were an entire century older than they should have been. Technically speaking. And that the twins meditating before Angus were now about fourteen years apart in age.

Knowing now that Taako’s twin sister had been trapped in the Umbrastaff… a lot of what had happened made sense. Including Taako’s strange behaviour around the artefact.

He never could rest properly without his sister there.

 

END!


End file.
